Balance

Recently, I was discussing with some friends (both early on in their careers and those who already mid-career and highly successful individuals) how when creating our daily to-do lists we add tasks that we've either already completed or are incredibly simple to check off as a way of motivating ourselves to tackle the harder and more complicated tasks that are also on the list. It's a mind game we play with ourselves to try and overcome the exhaustion and overwhelming feeling that we are taking on more and trying to do more than is reasonable in a given day.

It was several hours after that particular conversation, one in which we lightheartedly joked around and shared our favorite "layup tasks" (Read: finish your third cup of coffee - CHECK!), that I realized just how disturbing our conversation actually was.

The issue at the core of our banter was balance. Balance in work lives, family lives, volunteer lives, and our relationships with our significant others. We were a relatively high-functioning group of people, and yet we had resorted to creating non-sense or rote tasks out of our daily routines just to try and  BALANCE out the far more challenging things that we actually needed to devote our smarts, talents and efforts towards. Which allowed me to draw the conclusion that balance, in the crazy, modern, fast-paced world we live in, is something that is elusive to many. For a long time, I would have included myself in the count of those who balance eludes. But a couple of things have changed.

For one, I learned to say no. Which is harder than you may think. There were so many things I was being asked to do that, in reality, anyone could have done. I used to take what should have been shared responsibility and personalized it as my own. And so I learned to say no. I would ask myself - "Is there someone else who is equally capable and willing?" and if the answer was "yes", I would pass that task to them. To hold others accountable for their share. And once I figured that out, I was amazed by the amount of time and energy and mental acuity that I had to devote to projects and ideas and people that were uniquely mine. 

Secondly, I got a dog. True enough, a dog probably isn't the solution to everyone's problems with balance. But let me tell you what a dog did do for me: it forced me to stop and take a break and rejuvenate my mind

 - think about something else or think about something from a different perspective; it forced me to get outside and take inspiration from the world around me; it forced me to meet new people and learn about new things. It forced me to prioritize my personal life and my own well-being.

Finally, I tried to infuse love into everything I do. If I cannot love something deeply and truly and meaningfully, then it is something that actively works against my well-being - in both my work life and personal life. In the end, it was a choice to prioritize myself; a choice to prioritize myself in a way that augments my personal, work, volunteer and relationship goals.

So do I still sometimes add that third cup of coffee to my to-do list? Absolutely, but this time when I add it, it's so I can sit outside in the yard and enjoy my coffee and reflect while Annie (my dog) toodles around and plays, and I come back to the next task better than I was before.

And that, right there, is the art of balance.

Getting Back To Me

Reflection. It's become a lifestyle for me since graduating from university (which, yes, if anyone is doing the math - that was indeed almost 2 years ago).

And, ironically, a blog is a great place for reflection and writing and thinking and developing new ideas and interests. Yet somehow, I shoved it to the side in the course of my life transitions and reflections. So, I'm here to correct that.

I've always been someone who thinks and expresses best when I do it in writing. Words make sense to me. Words written on paper and on blank white screens somehow manage to take the chaos of my mind and my tendency to think and over-think and then over-think some more, and make something fluid and concise and meaningful out of my thoughts and emotions.

Writing and reflecting - it's something that I've always done when I feel like I've drifted away from the things that are most important to me and who I am and who I would like to be. The things that make me the best version of myself - the one who is most able to go out there and be a positive and dynamic and contributing force in the world.

I've been doing a lot of writing this past year and half; none of it has been made public though. Much of my writing was too personal, too introspective, too revealing of my most inner thoughts and desires and self-judgments. But what I've also come to realize is that it is that writing which needs to be shared. The raw writing that gets me back to me.

Because ultimately, I am the sum of my experiences. I am that which has been forged by my own actions, the love of my parents and family and friends, and the beautiful and unique encounters that I have had with strangers over the course of my lifetime. I am the creation of the wisdom I have found for myself and that which has been entrusted to me by those I love and respect.

So I'm getting back to me and what makes me - well, me. And this blog is going to be a part of it.

So gather round, listen in, and prepare yourselves. It's going to be an interesting journey.

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody

"This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody though that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done."--Anonymous

There's been a huge shift in mentality in this country in the past few decades. Vague, I know, but it's true in an ungodly amount of contexts; attitudes about sex, marriage, adulthood, responsibility, accountability, parenting, education, politics, and civic involvement have all changed drastically since my parent's generation. While the shift in many of the attitudes I have just listed deeply concern me and make me frightened for the world that my generation will inherit and be responsible for living in and attempting to fix, I'd like to spend a bit of time discussing the last one that I mentioned, civic involvement, including attitudes towards community, volunteering and citizenship.

This change in attitudes about civic responsibility is something that I've been thinking about for awhile--for a lot of reasons. It is something I've been discussing a lot with my fellow volunteer EMTs in the context of the rescue squad, and this idea has also been consistently resurfacing in discussions with my social studies education cohort as we've been talking a lot about the responsibilities that social studies teachers have to their students, including fostering a notion of civic responsibility and citizenship.

There is a radically different approach taken to volunteering within and for one's community in today's world of instant gratification and looking out for the top dog than there was even ten to fifteen years ago. Growing up, I was regaled with stories of the tight-knit community that my mom grew up in the mid-20th century Midwest. It was a place where friends and neighbors served one another in a capacity unfathomable to many small towns today. I was raised on my maternal grandfather's reminiscences about the civic capacities he served in, and the pride that he derived from not only serving his local community, but also his country as a military man. I was raised by parents who understood what it meant to serve as they volunteered much of their time in the schools, as coaches and as church leaders. Growing up, I never lacked role models of citizenship and commitment to the community, and I think that foundation of support is what continues to drive me today in my dedication to public and civic service. I am lucky in that regard.

Unfortunately, people like my parents and grandparents are fading in numbers. While they are people who understand that doing what is right can be satisfying in spite of the hard work and thanklessness that  community service often demands, they are largely outnumbered by people who expect (and often demand) such time consuming and passionate dedication for nothing in return. Today, we live in a culture that has socialized us to expect instant results, instant pleasure, and minimal effort when we do something. Just think about the smart phone revolution in the past few years. Never has been accessing information and entertainment been as rapid and effortless as it is in our technologically driven society.  However, volunteering in and for a community does not always offer such immediate rewards for such little input, and I feel like I can accurately say this drawing largely on  my experience as an EMT.

As an EMT, I am required to run a duty crew once a week for 12 hours. When it is my duty night, there are roughly 1000 individuals relying on me to fulfill my commitment to the community. Running for such a small-town service, if I fail to show up for my shift then we may not get a truck out of the building that night. There are few acceptable reasons for me to miss my shift, and if I do it's my responsibility to find coverage. For my actions, I am held accountable. Not every night in EMS is glamorous though, and there are nights where running duty conflicts with some other interest of mine or is an inconvenience at best. Some nights I show up and we don't turn a single wheel. Some nights I arrive at the station planning on (and needing to) complete several homework assignments or tasks, and we proceed to run all night. Every once in awhile I may run a call that taxes my patient assessment skills and ability to triage and treat; more likely than not I will spend a call addressing the feeling poorlies or "take me to the hospital because I said so." It is in this capacity that I serve my community, and I serve it proudly--regardless of the situation.

However, the town where I run is not the area in which I was born or raised. In fact, it is a community in which I am a transplant whom for some reason has become attached to the people and the way of life in this sleepy little town. I have chosen to make this little town my community-- and in tradition with the values upon which I was raised, my responsibility. There are many like me whom have stumbled across this community and have found a place to serve and call their own. Yet the dwindling numbers of native volunteers baffles me when I see so many transplants ready and willing to serve this area. When the rescue squad first came into existence, it's membership was comprised of a thriving group of individuals and families that were directly served and benefitted by the rescue squad. It was public service staffed by and for the community it called home.

But in recent years, membership has dwindled. In reality, there are about 25 individuals who run all of the calls at our service and about half of them commute into our little town once a week for their duty shift. New members are recruits that aren't residents of the town; they come from neighboring cities and towns, attracted by the pace of calls and type of patient care a rural, small town service offers. For a community that often prides itself on taking care of its own, there are very few residents that see volunteering for places like the fire department and the rescue squad as a worthwhile means of living out that pride. There are many that talk the talk, but few that walk the walk, so to speak. The responsibility is consistently passed down the line, thinking "How wonderful it is to serve (insert person X/place Y), but it's not my responsibility. Someone else will take care of it."

And that unaccountable attitude is more pervasive than I feel comfortable admitting. Not only do I see it in the town where I run EMS, but I see it in the classrooms I teach in as well. The other day I was discussing hot topic current events with a student in the government class I work with. When I asked them if there were any specific policy issues that they cared about, they replied, "Care? Why should I care? It's not like I can vote or do anything about it? I'm not even of age." When I pointed out that come the next election year, these would be issues that would concern them as they would be able to vote, they replied "It's not my responsibility to change anything. My vote doesn't even count in the grand scheme of things. I'll just let everyone figure out what to do about it all. There are people smarter than me out that can care." This is not the first conversation that I have had that echo such sentiments; even over a matter as simple as voting, there is that same widespread sense of passing along the responsibility to another. Yet the line eventually runs out and the duty cannot be passed on anymore; someone is eventually held responsible, and, thus, accountable.

And at that point, voluntary service becomes a duty. In fact, maybe that's the way it's supposed to be; that we all have a duty to serve our community in some capacity. Maybe it's this understanding of citizenship and service that has gotten lost over the past few decades. Maybe we've been passing the buck for too long that the notion of responsibility has gotten lost in the shuffle. Maybe, just maybe when we reach the end of the line people will be jolted back into realizing what it takes to make a community run.

I have long realized my duty to serve and I do so with a sense of pride and satisfaction that I have yet to find anywhere else, whether it be in the back of an ambulance or in front of a high school classroom. I only hope that Everybody realizes their duty as well, and Somebody steps up, before Nobody does what Anybody can (and should) do.