How Do You Do It?

As a volunteer, it's a question that I get asked frequently by many who don't understand EMS or the fire service: "How do you do it? How do you manage to commit to that level of volunteering? How do you keep doing it and not burn out?"

And, often, I look at them, and I'm not sure how to respond.

Because, truthfully, I'm not sure how I do it.

I'm not sure how I manage to say that 12 hours on an ambulance every week is more important than my work, my relationship, my friendships.

I'm not sure how I manage to get out of bed in the middle of the night as a duty officer and leave the comforts of my warm bed - the Firefighter, and Annie curled peacefully in sleep - as I venture out into the unknown.

I'm not sure how I manage to take on the burden of other people's panic and pain, yet not make it my own.

I'm not sure how I manage to walk off a scene where the unspeakable and unimaginable has occurred, and then reintegrate into civilian life less than hours later looking and sounding little worse for the wear.

And if I do manage to do it - I'm not sure I do it particularly well or with grace.

Volunteering in EMS and the fire service is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart. It's not for those that yearn for a life of comfort and ease.

All I know is that when my shift comes round, my pager goes off, and the chaos of the world beckons is that I *do* it. There's no thought as to how, just that it needs to be done.

And maybe it's that compulsion - the calling that needs to be explained. The why - not the how.

So for those of you who are reading this and understand the calling - what's your reason? Why do you do it? Because, really, I don't think any of us could explain the how without explaining the why. I know I can't.

Annie

I've decided that since I can pretty much guarantee that this dog will be a feature in many of my future blog posts, she deserves her own introductory post.

So world, meet Annie!

This dog took my life and changed everything about it - and made a million parts of it even better than I ever could have imagined.

Annie is a rescue hound. For the first five years of her life, she was kenneled, mistreated, under socialized (with humans), and bred as often as she could be. She is one of the lucky ones - breaking that cycle of mistreatment that so many hounds are subjected to. The first day she was brought into a foster home was the first time she had been treated kindly. She was a girl with her tail tucked between her legs, not knowing what to expect of humans - yet resilient, in that she was willing to learn and try. To give people a chance to prove that there are kind people out there. It was slow work. But for every success, every time a human was gentle and kind, she was so grateful and was happy to try and make that act of kindness happen again.

She has come a long way from those first few days with her foster mom, and her first few weeks with me and the firefighter (read: significant other).

I have never laughed so hard, so often - loved so much and so openly - and been so humbled by the trust of another.

Annie is a special dog. She's got personality, energy, silliness, and a whole lot of love. So I'm sure there will be many a post to come about the things she teaches me (and quite a few funny stories accompanying those lessons along the way).

So know her, love her and watch us grow. It's been a fun adventure so far (see: her first bath below).

(Screw you, mom. If I have to get tied up and wet, so do you.)