How Do You Do It?

As a volunteer, it's a question that I get asked frequently by many who don't understand EMS or the fire service: "How do you do it? How do you manage to commit to that level of volunteering? How do you keep doing it and not burn out?"

And, often, I look at them, and I'm not sure how to respond.

Because, truthfully, I'm not sure how I do it.

I'm not sure how I manage to say that 12 hours on an ambulance every week is more important than my work, my relationship, my friendships.

I'm not sure how I manage to get out of bed in the middle of the night as a duty officer and leave the comforts of my warm bed - the Firefighter, and Annie curled peacefully in sleep - as I venture out into the unknown.

I'm not sure how I manage to take on the burden of other people's panic and pain, yet not make it my own.

I'm not sure how I manage to walk off a scene where the unspeakable and unimaginable has occurred, and then reintegrate into civilian life less than hours later looking and sounding little worse for the wear.

And if I do manage to do it - I'm not sure I do it particularly well or with grace.

Volunteering in EMS and the fire service is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart. It's not for those that yearn for a life of comfort and ease.

All I know is that when my shift comes round, my pager goes off, and the chaos of the world beckons is that I *do* it. There's no thought as to how, just that it needs to be done.

And maybe it's that compulsion - the calling that needs to be explained. The why - not the how.

So for those of you who are reading this and understand the calling - what's your reason? Why do you do it? Because, really, I don't think any of us could explain the how without explaining the why. I know I can't.

Balance

Recently, I was discussing with some friends (both early on in their careers and those who already mid-career and highly successful individuals) how when creating our daily to-do lists we add tasks that we've either already completed or are incredibly simple to check off as a way of motivating ourselves to tackle the harder and more complicated tasks that are also on the list. It's a mind game we play with ourselves to try and overcome the exhaustion and overwhelming feeling that we are taking on more and trying to do more than is reasonable in a given day.

It was several hours after that particular conversation, one in which we lightheartedly joked around and shared our favorite "layup tasks" (Read: finish your third cup of coffee - CHECK!), that I realized just how disturbing our conversation actually was.

The issue at the core of our banter was balance. Balance in work lives, family lives, volunteer lives, and our relationships with our significant others. We were a relatively high-functioning group of people, and yet we had resorted to creating non-sense or rote tasks out of our daily routines just to try and  BALANCE out the far more challenging things that we actually needed to devote our smarts, talents and efforts towards. Which allowed me to draw the conclusion that balance, in the crazy, modern, fast-paced world we live in, is something that is elusive to many. For a long time, I would have included myself in the count of those who balance eludes. But a couple of things have changed.

For one, I learned to say no. Which is harder than you may think. There were so many things I was being asked to do that, in reality, anyone could have done. I used to take what should have been shared responsibility and personalized it as my own. And so I learned to say no. I would ask myself - "Is there someone else who is equally capable and willing?" and if the answer was "yes", I would pass that task to them. To hold others accountable for their share. And once I figured that out, I was amazed by the amount of time and energy and mental acuity that I had to devote to projects and ideas and people that were uniquely mine. 

Secondly, I got a dog. True enough, a dog probably isn't the solution to everyone's problems with balance. But let me tell you what a dog did do for me: it forced me to stop and take a break and rejuvenate my mind

 - think about something else or think about something from a different perspective; it forced me to get outside and take inspiration from the world around me; it forced me to meet new people and learn about new things. It forced me to prioritize my personal life and my own well-being.

Finally, I tried to infuse love into everything I do. If I cannot love something deeply and truly and meaningfully, then it is something that actively works against my well-being - in both my work life and personal life. In the end, it was a choice to prioritize myself; a choice to prioritize myself in a way that augments my personal, work, volunteer and relationship goals.

So do I still sometimes add that third cup of coffee to my to-do list? Absolutely, but this time when I add it, it's so I can sit outside in the yard and enjoy my coffee and reflect while Annie (my dog) toodles around and plays, and I come back to the next task better than I was before.

And that, right there, is the art of balance.

Intentions

Many of you have probably noticed that it's been awhile since I have done an honest-to-goodness EMS related post. Maybe you've also noticed that this was originally supposed to be an EMS blog, with bits and pieces of my life outside of EMS tossed in for a change of pace. Sadly to say, I've clearly gotten away from my original intentions for this blog.

Intentions. They're something that I have been thinking about quite a bit recently.

When I first became involved in EMS, I had such good intentions; save the world, make a difference, help someone--even if it is only one person. Those intentions were strong and true, and I still stand by them as my reasons for getting involved in EMS. Those are enduring desires for me, whether they are related to EMS or my future career in education. But somewhere along the way, the reality of executing my intentions changed.

It has been well over two months since I have engaged in patient care; all I do now is drive and play a game of politics which I despise. While part of this has been due to extenuating circumstances, particularly staffing changes that have stretched my squad's resources thinner than you could possibly imagine, it is easy to become disillusioned with my role in EMS. What drove me to love EMS in the first place is rapidly becoming my undoing. There is nothing that I enjoy more than for 30 minutes being able to engage with another human being, and creating a relationship--however brief it may be--that serves to offer compassion and professional skill to make their immediate situation better. Unfortunately, when you are the only certified driver on a two-person crew, engaging in patient care is no longer an option. Instead, you are trusted with the safety of your tech and patient in bringing them to the desired destination. And not that driving and safely bringing both patient and volunteer to where they need to go in one piece isn't a noble goal, but it's not what I love about EMS.

Growing up, I was always told, "Do what you love. If you don't, then you'll never find true happiness." And I think that I've reached that point in EMS where I need to make a decision: I am no longer doing what I love, and as a result, I am no longer happy with my work. The skills that I was so eager to learn during my days in EMT class, and in my early days of in-service training, are skills that I no longer have the opportunity to use. And when you don't use them, you lose them. If I am to stay in EMS, I need to find a place where my entire skill set will be appreciated and valued and utilized to its fullest potential.

There will be some changes coming shortly in my life. You will probably read about many of the big ones on this blog. In August, I start student teaching, in December I graduate and enter the real world filled with idealism, enthusiasm, a strong dose of "where there's a will, there's a way," and a whole lot of good intentions. 

Question for the Day

What's your favorite way to avoid burnout?

I was reading an interesting post over at AmboDriver the other day, and it was a serendipitous moment as this is something I've been struggling with a bit recently. So in the name of my ever curious nature, I ask all of you: what do you do to let loose?

I'm looking for some good ideas, so fire away!

--CW