Some Calls You Never Forget

In EMS, there are just some addresses that you remember. Some of them may be associated with frequent fliers, some are associated with the most bizarre calls of your EMS career, and some are forever associated with those calls that leave ghosts behind.

In EMS, we all have those calls that we'll never forget. Over time, the may fade or blend into the memories of other calls, but they are never truly forgotten. In time, you are often able make peace with those ghosts left behind from tough calls, but in a small town EMS service there's a very good chance that you'll never be able to let them truly rest.

Small town EMS is an entity unlike any other. When you run those "oh sh*t" calls, they are to addresses that you may know; they are for family, friends, people you have grown up around, and maybe even members of your own department. That's not to say that you don't run those same calls in big city EMS, they just happen to be a bit more concentrated out here in the country.

I ran a call with a good friend of mine awhile back--ultimately, a fatality from an MVC (motor vehicle crash). The call was one of a series that we had that night (because where I run, when it rains it pours); this was our second response from the hospital, and as we were en route to the scene, we were advised that we were facing a potential code.

My friend and colleague happens to be small-town-born-and-raised, as many of my fellow providers are. Even as a transplant from the North, one of the first things you understand about this town is that it's a tight community, and when you hear a potential code go out over the radio you start fervently wishing that it's no one you know--that this time you'll get lucky and you won't be working a family friend or acquaintance. There was a look that flashed briefly over my friend's face, a look of desperation like I had never seen from her before.

Needless to say, she was not so lucky that night. Our transport for that call was to the hospital, but more specifically the morgue. The front of the truck was silent on the ride in, with few interruptions limited to the tones for the rest of the county dropping quietly in the background.

No words were needed that night, at least not immediately. The talking will, and does come, and the support of other providers can help you reconcile your actions as an EMS worker and make peace; yet the question remains, how do you grieve? Because it these kinds of situations you are not just a provider, you are a friend, a loved one, an individual who shares more common ties with the patient than just a singular call.

It's a question that I'm not sure a lot of small town providers have yet answered; in fact, I think that there are many answers to this question that are as unique as the relationships between patient and provider themselves. But I do know this: there are just some calls that you never forget. And that's okay.