Intentions. They're something that I have been thinking about quite a bit recently.
When I first became involved in EMS, I had such good intentions; save the world, make a difference, help someone--even if it is only one person. Those intentions were strong and true, and I still stand by them as my reasons for getting involved in EMS. Those are enduring desires for me, whether they are related to EMS or my future career in education. But somewhere along the way, the reality of executing my intentions changed.
It has been well over two months since I have engaged in patient care; all I do now is drive and play a game of politics which I despise. While part of this has been due to extenuating circumstances, particularly staffing changes that have stretched my squad's resources thinner than you could possibly imagine, it is easy to become disillusioned with my role in EMS. What drove me to love EMS in the first place is rapidly becoming my undoing. There is nothing that I enjoy more than for 30 minutes being able to engage with another human being, and creating a relationship--however brief it may be--that serves to offer compassion and professional skill to make their immediate situation better. Unfortunately, when you are the only certified driver on a two-person crew, engaging in patient care is no longer an option. Instead, you are trusted with the safety of your tech and patient in bringing them to the desired destination. And not that driving and safely bringing both patient and volunteer to where they need to go in one piece isn't a noble goal, but it's not what I love about EMS.
Growing up, I was always told, "Do what you love. If you don't, then you'll never find true happiness." And I think that I've reached that point in EMS where I need to make a decision: I am no longer doing what I love, and as a result, I am no longer happy with my work. The skills that I was so eager to learn during my days in EMT class, and in my early days of in-service training, are skills that I no longer have the opportunity to use. And when you don't use them, you lose them. If I am to stay in EMS, I need to find a place where my entire skill set will be appreciated and valued and utilized to its fullest potential.
There will be some changes coming shortly in my life. You will probably read about many of the big ones on this blog. In August, I start student teaching, in December I graduate and enter the real world filled with idealism, enthusiasm, a strong dose of "where there's a will, there's a way," and a whole lot of good intentions.
